Hey STIB, it's The Stache

I know everyone missed the 3-pk of picks last week, but The Stache wasn't feeling it. This week, however, you can can pay your house off with the 3-pk.

LSU -18 in KnoxVegas
If you did you homework early in the week you could have gotten this at -15, but regardless the Honey Badger and crew will feast on the remains of Mr. Simms.

Prediction: LSU 34 UT 10

UGA -11 in NashVegas
UGA is playing with confidence and are showing they want to win the SEC East. Vandy meanwhile has reverted to true form.

Prediction: UGA 31 Vandy 6

Okie St. -7.5 in Austin
There are few times when Vegas misses, this is one of those times. Texas is nursing the OU hangover and the Pokes want to show the nation they are better than OU. This spells trouble for the young Longhorns.

Prediction: Okie St. 44. Texas 24

Barking Dog of the Week:
Northwestern +6 in Iowa City.....Two words: Dan Persa.
That and the fact the Wildcats love the pink lockroom in Iowa City, they own the offenseless Hawkeyes.

Prediction: Northwestern 34 Iowa 24

See you next week when we look to make a down payment on that lovely cottage on Sanibel Island.

TS_Mustache

STIB, it's me with more WINNERS!!

Well last week went as planned, except it appears Notre Dame didn't get the memo that the Stache picked them to cover. So we went 2-1 last week and the Barking Dog covered easily and should have taken the Zookers down, but we'll take the cover.

This week we have more winners for you, enough talk.....here is The Stache's 3-pk of the Week.

Navy -3.5 v. Air Force
A noon kick-off spells trouble for the Falcons, hope they don't miss the early wake-up call.

Navy 34 Air Firce 24

Wisconsin -10 v. Nebraska
Camp Randall will be electric. Russell Wilson becomes a national Heisman candidate and the Badgers will roll.

Wisconsin 48 Nebraska 31

Stanford -22 v. UCLA
TWO WORDS: WOOD SHED

Stanford 55 UCLA 17

Barking Dog of the Week:
ECU +7 v. UNC
The Pirates get the Heels at home. This is a game they live for, UNC will still be reeling from the loss to GaTech and will get caught off guard.

ECU 31 UNC 28.

Until next week.

TS Mustache

Time to Call your STIB

The Stache is back after spending the first three weeks of the college football season digesting the early season match-ups.  Now the Stache is back to help you get a return, which is something your Netflix stock hasn't been able to do the past month.

Not that we condone having a STIB here at Punt on 3rd Down, but in the event you do have one, here are the Stache's 3-pk picks of the week along with the Barking Dog of the Week.

UF -19.5 @ Kentucky
It always seems that UF gets more big plays against UK than any other team, which is a large part of the reason they have won 24 consecutive games against the Cats.  The Cats are coming off a loss to the Charlie Strong's bunch in the Battle of the Bluegrass, which Florida won rather easily of the Vols.

Expect to continue to see a lot of Demps and Rainey with Burton in the red zone for TD's (he only had 6 v. UK last season).

Prediction:  UF 34 UK 6


Notre Dame -7 @ Pitt
Notre Dame seems to have solved their battle with turnovers, expect that trend to continue........you will here Rees to Floyd an awful lot on Saturday with multiple times those connections leading to 6.

Pitt simply won't be able to handle the ND attack.

Prediction:  ND 31 Pitt 20


LSU -6 @ WVU
Everyone knows the Stache loves him some Holgo, but WVU is about to run into a brick wall, literally the LSU defensive front will dominate this game and permenantly take up residence beside Geno Smith in the WVU backfield.

WVU's offense likes to spread the field and take advantage of their speed, unfortunately LSU is even faster. 

Prediction:  LSU 26  WVU 12

Barking Dog of the Week:  Western Michigan +13 @ Illinois

Just when you thought it was safe to start giving Illinois props, they go Zook on you.  Coming off a big win over Arizona St (is there a more overhyped team in the Country?) last week.  The Fighting Zookers will come in with a hangover and before you know they will be looking at the scoreboard in the 4th quarter and it will show they are down by a TD.  The question is how will they respond?????  The only way the Zooker knows how.....crumble under the adversity.

Prediction:  WMU 24 Zookers 17

Until Next Week

- TS Mustache

The Creamsicles are Coming!

Watch out Gainesville; Vol Fans are invading and there is nothing you can do but lock up the wife and kids.  Don't lock yourself up though, otherwise you'll miss the train wreck.  And a Glorious Train Wreck it is!

THERE IS NO POOR LIKE MOUNTAIN POOR

Its a little douche-y, but better than anything Kenny Chesney does:

HOT DAMN ITS TENNESSEE WEEK!

In a few short days, the town named after hogs will be invaded by a few.  Though I have scavenged my way through many SEC venues, no fan base is more flummoxing than VOL fan.  Why such an easy target?  It has to do with the location itself.  Perhaps to a WVA or VT fan, the VOL fan is more familiar.  That creature of the hills that plays only a banjo, eschews dentures, and values the Rubenesque woman is somewhat alien to the decorous gentry of the rest of the SEC.  

Gator fan is confident, no, make that assured, that the VOL fan only comes out of this home amongst the clouds and smoke to attend UT games.  A quick survey of Neyland Stadium confirms this.  To wit, the following panorama:

 

Never when perusing these faces do we see economic or social success on any level.  We see self-imposed misery on a level that defies educational classification.  Where would someone like this live?  In the hills, of course, high above those condescending masses who, at every step, would compel the VOL fan back into their unenviable place on the social strata. 

It is football, and football only where this creature may find some modicum of superiority, and their beloved VOLS have given it to them in short doses.  However, it has been rather short lived.  But, that doesn't stop the craving VOL fan has for an opportunity to feign superiority and, as Stevie Winwood put it, be back in the high life again.

So they will come, these pitiable masses.  They will be loud, they will be encumbered by ingesting their own homemade tonic, they will dance to their own peculiar anthem, one that testifies to their humble beginnings, and they will hope against hope for a very rare win in the SWAMP.  Because, as anyone sleeping on a dirt terrain aspires:  Maybe, just maybe, I can have a floor.

~  STAN GABLE ~

Average UGA fan's conversation with Mark Richt

Ocular Patdown

Sweet Tea, Pecan Pie, and Homeade Wine

Is there anything more Southern than biscuits and white, sausage gravy; Paula Dean; boiled peanuts; grits; waving a flag embroidered with a rattle snake and the words ‘don’t tread on me’; fried chicken & collard greens; driving your quad cab, jacked up, 4x4 6.2L, V8 diesel engine F350-King Ranch equipped with an XM radio tuned to ‘Willie’s Roadhouse’, all on a white sandy beach somewhere between Mobile and Pensacola, with a beer in one hand and your arm around some little bikini clad sweet thang sittin on the middle (aka ‘bitch’) seat?  Quite amazingly, the answer is overwhelmingly and uncontestably YES!  What could be more Southern than all of this, you ask.  Why Football of course.  But not just any brand of football will suffice.  No true Southerner will settle for that pretentious style they play in the Ivy League; or the arena flair offered in the Big East.  The chest thumping, head butting, plodding along offered up by the B1G just won’t do either.  Neither the defenseless Longhorn League (ooops, I mean Big 12), nor the three ring circus that is the ACC can pass for even a poor quality counterfeit.  And most certainly and assuredly, the half-hearted, half-empty (and that’s being optimistic) stadiums situated in campuses full of bravado, bravura leaders of cheer, and bounties of fish tacos offered as a late night snack by the Pac 12 will not satiate the ravenous hunger for football so welcomed and embraced by Southerners.  When it comes to Football in the South, Southerners—True Southerners—only use the term when referring to SEC football.

For those trying to figure out the enigma that is the South and its microcosmic sport, it may be difficult to understand what it means to be the SEC.  The SEC is not just a loose nit collection of post-secondary institutions—with little geographic or historical significance—choosing to throw an oblong ball on a gridiron patch of grass for the sole purpose of appeasing alumni and boosters through a half-hearted commitment to maintaining school spirit.  The SEC is more or less, the exact opposite.  So what is the SEC?  The SEC is 69 years of the Tiger Rag and jambalaya in the bayo; sippin bourbon with the coeds on The Grove and givin your best Rebel yell; wearin houndstooth print and killin rival oak trees; downin lemonade on Toomer’s Corner before marvelin at a bird of prey descending to the 50 yard line; havin a fever where the only cure is ‘MORE COWBELL’; callin in the pigs with your best ‘pig sueey’;  sangin ‘Rockey Top’ and throwin your own goal post into the Tennessee River after beating your rival for the first time in 6 tries; yellin ‘wait until basketball season’; accepting ‘you’ll work for me one day’ and ‘we invented country music’ as a legitimate retort to insults on your football stadium, program, and cheerleaders; ‘sicken’ your fat bulldog on your rivals’ crotch and hittin on true southern bells between the hedges; throwin a party in a Cock-a-Boose; sangin ‘We are the Boys’ with your arm wrapped around a complete stranger you feel like you’ve known all your life; it’s 6 of the 10 largest college football stadiums sold out every home game;  it’s hard-nosed, FAST football, played in the hottest and most humid environments imaginable; it’s 9 national titles in 20 years; it’s 7 BCS national titles in 13 years; it’s 5 BCS titles in a row.

5 consecutive national titles shared by 4 teams from one conference.  Is there any question regarding the superiority of the SEC?  Is the SEC invincible?  Is it a safe bet to take the SEC over the field in Vegas?  Well, if you answered yes to the first question, you are either an idiot or high (or both).  While it may appear that the SEC is invincible because it has stockpiled by far the most talented players, coaches, and fans in the country, college football doesn’t necessarily reward you for being the best.  Instead, college football rewards you for not losing and having a high pre-season ranking.  Look at Auburn in 2004; undefeated with probably the best defense in the country, but no invitation granted to the big party in Miami that year.  Florida needed miracles on championship Saturday in 1996 and 2006 to garner invitations to the prime time events each of those years.  LSU edged out number 1 ranked USC (AP and USA today polls) in 2003 in the BCS poll for a chance to take on Oklahoma and won the title again in 2007 with 2 losses (first time in history)—again needing near miracles on championship Saturday.  Heck, in 1998, if Clint Stoerner doesn’t try to recover his fleeting balance with the football, Fat Fulmer never lifts the crystal ball—but yet he did and the SEC ushered in the BCS era and its subsequent reign in true SEC style (superior lines of scrimmage on both sides of the ball).  My point is not that the SEC won all those titles because they were lucky—they won them because they were better than the field.  Instead, my point is that with a system that rewards teams for taking as few chances as possible during the season, it took a perfect storm for the SEC to get into the big game during their 20 year campaign to plunder and pillage every trophy imaginable.  So, it’s really just a matter of time before a Virginia Tech and an Oklahoma go undefeated, edging out a potentially much better SEC side with only 1 loss, and breaking the well-earned SEC streak.  So, if I’m betting on the field or the SEC, I’m taking the field.  But give me a playoff system and I’m taking the SEC every year.

So what does the SEC look like this year?  Well for starters, they are a smaller conference than they will be in the near future (expansion is inevitable, it’s just a question of who and when; odds are on at least TAMU joining the ranks http://www.tamu.edu/athletics/conferenceChange.html).  Secondly, the West is much deeper than the East.  And finally, the best four teams in the league all play each other at least once before the SEC championship game.  Odds are in favor of cannibalism stealing the shot at another crystal ball from the eager hands of the SEC commish.  From a divisional standpoint, there is quite a bit of new blood in the SEC east, and for the first time in what seems… well ever… stability in the west.

SEC East:

South Carolina—This is the most talented team the SpurDog has had since 2001; including 2 seasons in D.C.  But with a boozing QB and an impatient playcaller at the helm, this team is destined for disappointment.  The Game Cocks can pull up a seat next to Arkansas and expect another trip to Atlanta with not title.  

Florida—Nobody’s crying for this UF team.  Don’t believe me, just ask ‘Coach’.  Young, talented and hungry to make a name for themselves, this team will play with passion.  Unfortunately youth in the secondary and a third OC for the senior QB will lead to mistakes at pivotal moments in big games.

Tennessee—maybe the team is only one step away from getting MRSA, but they will be much better than a year ago.  Time heals all Kiffin wounds, just look at the Raiders who were a hair away from the playoffs last year (2 years removed from the Kiffinable Snowman).  Unfortunately for UT, it will take at least one more year to have a shot at getting over the hump—assuming the CDC doesn’t quarantine the entire team first.

UGA—With a lame duck HBC, it will be tough to motivate this team after they lose to USC-e early in the season.  Expect overly conservative play calling, dancing in the endzone, and a few uniform changes to motivate this team, but don’t expect a return to the 80’s just yet, UGA fan.  You might also want to break out another ice block for that fat dog of yours, because it’s going to be a long season.

UK—Is it basketball season yet?

Vandy—crickets chirping…”screw the football game, let’s go to Broadway and get slammed!”

SEC West:

Alabama—The Godfather of the SEC coaching tree is pissed at the media… which is a good thing if you are Bama fan.  A Pissed Saban means a productive (albeit miserable) coaching staff.  The 2011 Tide will be as talented on defense as they’ve been and the O-line will magically never hold anyone all season long.  If they can avoid injuries, they may find themselves in Nawlens at the end of the season.

LSU—High hats, high players, and high crime rate in Baton Rouge these days.  Did Miles hire Ron Zook as the quality control coach and not tell anyone?  LSU will be strong on defense, of course, but will have spotty play at the QB position and equally crazy play calling from the coaching staff.  This team will out-talent most of its opponents, but expect losses to Oregon and Alabama.

Arkansas—One broken ankle away from kicking disappointment down the road to September 24 or November 26.  At least now the little piggies will have an excuse when they can’t get over the hump… yet again.  Lots of offense, but not enough defense from this team.  Nevertheless, if I was picking a team to really derail the SEC train, it’s Arkansas.  Arkansas is good enough to beat anyone on their schedule, but not good enough to beat everyone on their schedule.  The greatest irony would be for a 2 loss Arkansas team to face an undefeated USC team (for the second time) in Atlanta and to win; consequently becoming the literal and figurative Cock Blockers for the SEC and South Carolina.

Mississippi State—The Mullen monster is smarter than you and will not hesitate to let you know.  Unfortunately, he will never have more talent than you in Starkvegas, thus making it impossible for him to prove that he is smarter than you by beating you consistently.  But then again, I’m sure that he is convinced that by somehow almost beating you with less talent proves he is smarter than you and therefore he is better than you because he lost to you.  Expect tons of cow bells, zone option, and quarterback draws.  Heck, they might even have another 10-7 win up their sleeve.

Auburn—Chzik will have to win this season by outcoaching his opponents.  The odds makers are not favoring his ability to achieve such a feat.  Expect a rapid descent into purgatory for the least well known BCS championship coach in history.  Let this be a lesson to all: if you sell your soul to the devil, he will steal your single moment of notoriety from under your feet and piss on your face; leaving you soulless and empty handed.

Ole Miss—There is plenty of tailgating to go around, plenty of classy southern bells, but not a lot of wins.  The Nutt is going to upset some teams, but you can’t win a lot of games with less talent on the lines of scrimmage and inconsistent quarterback play.

And like the prodigal son, Football season returns.  So slaughter the fattened calf and bust out the special hooch.   

It’s time to kick this mother fuggin beast off!

 ~March Hare~