SOUTHERN SUPERIORITY PART 1

Not everything is better in the South.  To wit:

But most things are.  This includes food.  In the South we do not eat to live, we live to eat.  This explains, in part, the high heart disease numbers.  In many ways, most of us are still fighting the War of Northern Aggression in our (feeble and congested) hearts and minds, and that prohibits us from acknowledging Northern superiority in anything.  But sometimes, its just too dang easy.

Take fried fish for example.  In the North, the fish of choice is Cod. In the South, a "Cod" is decidedly not edible, as we have to be convinced that it is indeed a fish and not an "unmentionable".  This flaky white fish is prepared with a heavy, flavorless "beer" batter and (properly) deep fried and served with "chips" (fries).   The proper Yankee then douses this concoction with malt vinegar, ensuring the crispy fried goodness is appropriately soggy and allowing the crust to slowly drift away from the meat.  The Yankee then eats the clean white fish and then, with a spoon, scoops up the slurry that was once crust, that now sits in a pool of sour liquid.  This "comfort" food only provides comfort in the notion that, once again, the North has failed to top the South in one of the most basic and elemental food requirements.

That requirement of course, is flavor.  Start with the fish itself.  While the North goes with the sterile and flavorless Cod, the South's fish of choice is the Catfish.  We like to catch our catfish with a cane pole in the dankist of swamps, where you can't see the bottom.... where you don't want to see the bottom, but know that whatever is at the bottom of that ditch is what gives that catfish its unique flavor.  The catfish will eat anything (condom, cheetos, license plate) that is tossed into that squalid pond and same becomes a part of him.

After that whiskered rascal is secured and cleaned, Southern Man will add additional flavor.  We will soak him in buttermilk and cayenne pepper hot sauce.  Then we will use a southern bumper crop, corn, to coat him in and deep fry him.  It is best to utilize lard that has been used for similar purpose to fry other game.  The rich musk of the squirrel, for example, that was fried last week, will add much flavor to today's catfish. In the South, we waste not.  

And in that spirit, we use the left over corn flower, throw in an onion and buttermilk, and replace the "chips" with hush puppies.   Unlike malt vinegar, additional Crystal Hot Sauce can be applied to the whole platter and it is simply absorbed in the skin, allowing the crispy exterior to remain intact.  This hearty meal is the center piece for a "fais do do" or other various hoedowns and goes great with a pabst or sweet tea.

Might there be examples out there of a northern dish that is superior to a similar southern take?  Perhaps, but until one is presented, we will continue to point out northern failings as if they are a matter of course. Which of course, they are.

~Stan Gable ~