Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays… and that somebody is me. The only thing worse than dealing with these idiots on my commute, is dealing with these idiots on my Monday commute, “Dam-namit, go the freaking speed limit granny!” And to think all this angst following a nice weekend full of grilled steak, great beer, and some good ole fashioned R&R. To make things worse, that apt, but annoying ‘Lazy Song’ by Bruno Mars is oscillating through my radio speakers right now and will be stuck in my head all day long (F-You Bruno! I hate you and your horrible synthesized samplings that are single-handedly ruining the Reggae genre for everyone in western civilization… when are you going to grow a man voice anyway?). Regardless, now I’m pondering these insightful lyrics; do I really feel like doing nothing? No, I just don’t feel like dealing with you f-tards clogging up the road, “Hey Douche-Bag… how about you try driving instead of hash tagging the hell out of everything related to Snookie and Kim Kardashian?… I bet you have -20 followers on twitter anyway… @$$ wipe” #myfistinyourface. No, instead of doing nothing, I’d rather be watching some college football… but NOOOOO… that won’t start for another 24 days, “yeah-yeah ‘F-*K’ you too motorcycle man… don’t give me that ‘look twice save a life’ B-S either. How about you get your @$$ in an SUV, that way I’ll know exactly where you are, and your carbon footprint will help get rid of this dam-n weather phenomenon known as ‘winter’.” Since I can’t watch football today, I guess the next best thing would be playing video game football instead of driving in to work with all of these poopsicles! Man I miss those classic football games too! Yes, I think I could really go for some Tecmo Bowl right now. “Well pi$$ on my face… great to see our tax dollars at work! Do you really need a John Deere tractor driving in the Fast Lane at negative the speed of light, to edge the median? Funny I thought we have incarcerated citizens we could force to do manual labor instead of paying someone to clog up traffic.” Guess I’ll be here for a while; hmmmm… what are the best football video games of all time?
5. Tecmo Bowl: Long before the NFL Players Union realized they could make money putting their names into video games… This gem was being inserted with great frequency into our console of choice. Yes, your offensive play calling genius may not have been maximized as you were limited to 4 plays, but if you could master the sine wave with “Sweetness” (urgh… his unlicensed and unnamed 8-bit alter ego), you were next to unstoppable. Bruno Mars… listen to this classic theme song and take note of real music.
4. John Madden Football: And things were never the same from this point on. Enter 3-D perspectives and North-South game play. This was the first time you ever felt like you might actually be playing football. Heck, the field conditions even changed. But still, game play was tough and you found yourself throwing into quadruple coverage just like Matt Leinart (post USC), but to your defense, those down field passes were actually not on the screen. Looking back this game wasn’t as special or pretty as we remember… just like your 10th grade girlfriend… But like your 10th grade girlfriend, this game was the first to start showing signs of maturity and because of that, it made us feel more like the men we would (never) become.
3. NFL Blitz: I’m pretty sure the person that created RedBull & Vodka played this game incessantly during college. Who needs realistic football games when you can jack up your favorite player on roids, get rid of superfluous offensive lineman, throw in some turbo and sci-fi-esque special moves and big hits? Absolutely no one… well that was until games / systems were powerful enough to employ physic algorithms and 3-D animation.
2. NCAA Football 98: The first installment of the NCAA Football franchise by EA Sports (albeit not the first college football product). Like Madden, this was the first college football game to put you onto the field (albeit much closer to the field and with a perspective where you could see down field). You could audible, put receivers in motion, play in the actual stadium of the home team, win the Heisman, and even play on Boise’s blue turf (long before anyone outside of Idaho knew about Boise or their blue turf). Unfortunately, you could also go Alex Brown (1999 UT style) on your opponent every game by playing the DE position and moving just outside of the tackle (I won the Heisman with Rutger’s DE… that was the Rutgers, 10 years before Schiano) and the deep post was nearly always open. Also, when my 4GB hard drive computer with 2 bytes of RAM froze up, the game was automatically forfeited… Dell support blamed the software, EA sports blamed the hardware… and I moved on to the Playstation.
1. NCAA Football 2011: The most recent NCAA football game (that I’ve played). This installment has by far the best and most realistic graphics of any football game to date. The defenses actually learn your tendencies, and on the Heisman level, it’s somewhat difficult (although not difficult enough) to win it all. Yet… will someone please tell the Canadians up in EA, that the Spread Offense isn’t the only way to move the freaking football down the field? When I play college football games, I don’t want to resort to Saskatchewan Roughriders style play calling. My QB shouldn’t be my leading rusher, receiver, and passer. I want to line up like an American, in the I formation and run the ball down your throat until you cry for mercy and then I’m going to play action your @$$ to death. You’ll call me a John Parker Wilson and tell me that I am only a game manager, not a real QB. I’ll simply smile and point to the scoreboard… with my middle finger of course.
24 Days until Football Season!
~March Hare~
As a college football fan how could you possibly leave out the grandfather of all college football games? BILL WALSH'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL.......throw that baby into your Sega Genesis and you'd be skipping classes the next day!
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